Dear Dallin,

I miss you every day. I want you to come home, but only when you've given it your all. Finish strong. You've always been an amazing example to me, and always will be. I show other people pictures of you, and talk about you all the time. You make me proud.

Love,
Jerrica C. Osmun

P.S. See you in five months.

Nap time.

Um.
Yes sir ee. 

Today I did take a nap. 

On Kenzee's very comfy bed. 

With her Pillow Pet under my arm. 

I was told, I look like a child.
I am way okay with that. 
Deal with it.

Jan. 25-2011. 

It's been a sad day. 

My heart hurts at least. 

I was thinking about missionaries. 

When I think of missionaries I think of Letters. 

I love letters. When I get one, I jump up and down. 

There's one person that I think of often.

Well, sometimes. 

This is what put me down a little. 

We will Probably talk more when he's gone, 

on his mission for two years, than we do now. 

Am I being "such a girl" by saying that?

I just feel like it's sad how things had to end up like this. 

Technically they didn't Have to end up like this. 

It was for the better. 

‎"Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will."

(Thanks Becca for the quote.)

What?

Yesterday I went to the gym. I ran and used the bike thing, I don't know the name of it. 

Then after that we ate dinner, went to the dorms and got ready for.. The Institute Dance!!! 

This is going to come as quite a shock...

....I had fun. 

Loads of fun! Oh my goodness, yes. 

Today, I came home. It's been so good.

I think I'm about to fall asleep. 

I should sleep. 

Nighty night.

Recognize them? Yeah, I do too. 

One word.

Tums. 

Once, a long long time ago... (Okay so maybe it was September)
I fell asleep crying, because I had severe stomach pains.
(No girls, not Those kind of stomach pains..)
Today I walked up the stairs at about 11:40PM.
I set down my backpack and all at once, BAM, I felt it again.
It wasn't as bad, however, when I went to get ready for bed it seemed to be getting worse.
15 minutes later I was walking to Jessi's room to look at some special pictures.
I couldn't stand up straight.
Jenjen graciously gave me two jewels.
Also known as tums.
I am now able to stop from crying, and sleep.
I don't know what happened...
But it's my bed time.
Goood Night!

Lessons

Today I was thinking and my mind started to wonder off, I tend to do that in some of my classes. A lot of things have changed in my life since I've come to college. Odd how that happens. Want to know what I feel has changed? I thought you would. Okay, I'll tell you. 

-I have realized that the words, "best friend" have a whole new meaning. I don't know What it means, and I don't know if I have one. 

-I have come to see that I am closer to my family than I ever thought. I never knew how much I cared and enjoyed being with each and every one of them. 

-It's okay to be alone. In all the business of college and life, it's okay to take some time and ponder. It's okay to not want to be with people, and have some time for yourself. 

-Some people never leave High School. 

-If you can't work out the system, then do the homework/reading/studying whatever it may be. 

-I don't like heart break. I mean who does? No one. Sometimes it wares on you and you can't get away from those thoughts and feelings inside. Sometimes it's hard to get up and put a smile on, to try with all that you have left to find something to smile about during the day. One day at a time.

-Leave earlier than you think for classes, it may be icy and if it is you better hope to high heaven that you don't slip and break your tush. 

-Relax on the weekends. If you don't, you won't feel ready for the next week of school. Anyways, why not have a fun time, goof off, plan trips?

-If you need to study, don't go to the library with your friends. Tons of things will get done, however, none will have anything to do with the class you're supposed to be studying for. 

-I can tell that going to church on Sunday's makes me feel better. Sunday's are hard for me, in the sense that it's my day with my family. They aren't here, so going to church makes up for that lack of family near. 

-Don't cry in your room unless you know you're roommate has class or other plans for a while. Find your own spot somewhere close, but secluded.  

-Make sure to say your prayers, include yourself in activities, eat three meals a day, brush your teeth and get at least 4.5 hours of sleep a night. 

These are a few things I have learned. I could keep going, but I'll keep from boring you.
Have a nice day everyone!

I'm ready for bed.

Life has been throwing me curve balls. 

I've been running around with my friends, different friends than before. 

I guess sometimes you just Can't please everyone, can you?

That makes me so upset.

Oh for the love.

I'm going to bed for the night now. 

At 2AM I know.. 

I have been going to bed earlier than usual.

I promise. 

Just not tonight. 

Sometimes I just lay in bed and can't sleep. 

That's been more than usual as well.

I just have too much going on in my head.

I want to make everyone happy.

When I try to do that. 

I'm not happy.

Moving on. 

Sleep. 

Yes.

I'll see you in five hours. 

Spontaneous.

Today us girls decided we wanted to go on an adventure, we wanted to get out of Logan, we wanted to have a girls day. Jenjen and I wanted to go to Oregon, since it's a three day weekend. We ended up planning to go to Oregon on a later date and head up North to The Lava Hot Springs in Idaho. The guys were pretty upset that we had left them, you see.. we didn't really tell them until we were all packed up and on our way. However, we did end up getting back in time to watch a movie with them. Here are a few pictures.. 

This one's my favorite...

Can I just say that I love my friends? Especially these three girls right here. 

Hurt? Maybe.

"You guys have such a cute story."

Tonight, I was encountered by a friend from high school who said this to me. My friend was referring to my past love life. Notice I say past. We're friends now, of course. I thought about what she said, and all at once I was confused, sad, upset, lonely, frustrated, mad, angry, etc. The only thing that came to my mind was.. "If only you knew.."

I used to think it was a cute story, and that it could turn out that way. However, now I just feel like it's been unwanted, and unnecessary. I feel like it has crumbled before I even grasped it. In some ways, I feel like it's been a living He**.

But hey. She thinks we have "such a cute story" Yeah. Right. At least someone thinks so.

Look deeper.

Missionaries.

182 days. Did you hear?

Why Hello There James. 

In a Relationship, It's complicated.

Yeah.. I never thought it'd happen either..

...HAHAHAHA.

Until I was at the library with my friends and they were joking around.

Oh I love my friends, they are hilarious.

Mm.. okay day turned Great.

P.S. I am Not in a relationship.

That won't happen for a long while.

P.S.S. This was the story. "It all started in the Marketplace. I forgot to get water so I went over to grab a cup, at the same time, He Grabbed The Same Cup!! Our hands Touched, it was so cute. He got me some water, then we sat down and ate. He made quite the effort to sit by me, we held hands under the table and played footsie. Richie had a hard time eating with his left hand, it was So funny!! We went back to Richies room and just hung out for a while, when everyone left, and we talked about "us". We decided to be in a relationship, but it's complicated because he's going on his mission soon." Believable? I think Yes!

I'm no expert...

But.. I find these quite beautiful..

You should know...

1. On the first day of school, I sit one seat away from the person next to me.
2. I live for fall, just so I can wear long sleeved shirts and sweaters.
3. I don't sleep as well if I don't brush my teeth.
4. I could care less if I brush my teeth in the mornings.
5. Given the choice of a salad or pizza, I choose salad.
6. I crave marshmallow peeps often.
7. I often print off 150 pictures at a time, but never hang them up.
8. I'd rather watch a movie with my closest friends than go to a party.
9. Water is a gift from God.
10. Sometimes school doesn't seem worth it, but it is.
11. When I don't want to be with people, I don't want to be with people.
12. I sleep with two pillows.
13. I could watch movies endlessly.
14. In my opinion, Country music is amazing.
15. I love the smell of camping.
16. Sometimes I go a few days without showering, deal with it.
17. I'm a Sucker for Cheesy.
18. I have a new found love for cooking shows.
19. Someday I will write a book, make a wedding cake, and have a family.
20. I will be married in a castle, in a white gown, to my prince.
21. I'm OCD sometimes, but my picture board is cluttered.
22. I busy myself with school.
23. I currently have Five friends getting married in March.
24. I could live at Costco.
25. I could also live at Barns and Noble.
26. My middle name is Ciel, and I love it.
27. When I eat really fast I feel sick.
28. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints.
29. I get butterflies when I walk down the side walk and see all of Gods miracles.
30. Especially when I've asked for a sign of hope, and realize I live in it.
31. I dance.
32. For a while I thought I'd have to give up dance, think again.
33. My hair is naturally wavy.
34. I can eat toast for breakfast, but prefer more.
35. Skiing is my family's thing.
36. My mom is my role model.
37. Sometimes it's okay to take a break for a day.
38. I love the elderly.
39. I've always wanted to be a Ballerina and play the Violin.
40. I think of my future kiddies a lot.
41. I want to live in a different country some day.
42. I wish I were better at photography.
43. Letters from missionaries are the greatest thing since microwave popcorn.
44. I am often on my computer.
45. Sometimes I feel invisible to people.
46. Sometimes I wish I were invisible.
47. I always want to chop my hair, whether it be length, or bangs.
48. I don't appreciate math at all, nope, not ever.
49. The watch on my left wrist doesn't work, so don't ask me what time it is.
50. I used to play with barbies.
51. I still color.
52. When it's late, I rarely go to bed.
53. I've only changed my major twice so far.
54. I love giraffe.
56. I have never dyed my hair, never plan to.
57. I miss care free days.
58. My brother comes home in six months and five days.
59. If Aladdin and Hercules weren't cartoons, they'd be fighting for my heart right now.
60. I always have my phone in my right pocket, and my chap-stick and keys in my left.
61. Holidays mean so much more to me now, it means family for days on end.
62. I miss my dog Scout.
63. I worry about my grandpa daily.
64. Think of my grandma daily.
65. I don't really care to get ready in the mornings. I go for comfort.
66. I enjoy looking at the stars.
67. Sometimes after a long shower I get hives on my legs.
68. I prefer contacts over glasses.
70. I cracked my nose once, it was a grand experience.
71. Music can bring any mood in.
72. Breakfast burritos at 3:00AM are spontaneous, yet enjoyable.
73. I want to paint a masterpiece.
74. I always have some earrings in, I'm scared they'll grow in if I don't.
75. Orange juice is perfect on a rainy day.
76. I find walks quite calming.
77. Sometimes I have a hard time planning things, but I just need a little extra push.
78. I gag when I see or hear someone throwing up.
79. I love count downs.
80. Brownies make me smile.
81. I people watch.
82. I'm not perfect, not close.
83. When my first silly band broke, I almost cried.
84. Little things in life make life.
85. Boredom is my enemy.
86. I love summer, but crave winter.
87. When people call me "Jer" it makes me grin.
88. Homework makes me cringe.
89. I live. Day to day.

Humanitites

I got in trouble today. I was in humanities and my friend Lauren walked in. So of course we sat next to each other. Unfortunately I didn't know that the our teacher is Completely Insane!! She called me out in the middle of class, and asked if I'd like to share what we were talking about, I apologized for not listening. She then went on about how you should Drop the class to let others in if you weren't going to take it seriously. Did I mention there are 200+ in the class? Oh my goodness. First day back at school and I'm already getting called out during class.. Bah! I need to work better at that.

Hm.. What should I have said?

Sadie says... "Fall in a hole." 

I like it. 

I should have said that. 

Oops. 

Dear, D. Todd Christofferson. You spoke to Me. Thank you. -Jerrica C.

"Just make it one more day."

"Take it one day at a time, don't plan ahead. Just make it through the day."

"Our consistency in doing small things will bring about something great."

"The Atonement can reach those deepest in despair."

"We must not lose hope, the lord is pleased with every effort. Even the tiny daily ones in which we strive to be more like him."

(Can you tell which tid bit of info was my favorite?)

32 hours.

I'm here. I'm back in Logan. And I have been awake for the past 32 hours. Holy Wow! Am I exhausted? Yes. Do I care right now? Nah. Will I care tomorrow? Probably.

It's so great to be back in Logan. I truly did miss it. Yeah, I know, bet ya didn't expect to hear that from me..

Oh guys, I don't know how I'm feeling right now, but it doesn't feel the best. 

To be honest. 

I think that perhaps I will email someone.

Yeah, I think that'd be good. 

Did I mention Aladdin is on TV right now? 

I love Aladdin. 

I think I'm falling asleep. 

I don't feel good. 

I don't feel physically or emotionally well. 

I'm done with this. 

I'm off to bed..

As soon as Aladdin is over. 

Night. 

I've figured it out. I'm addicted.

Hi Im Jerrica Osmun, and I’m addicted to blogging.

Also, I realized that vanilla frosties really aren’t my favorite.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

P.S. Like my sweater? I sure do.

January 1, 2011

I’ve made a terrible mistake. I never made any new years resolution. (Okay, that’s a lie, I did set one goal. A personal, spiritual goal.)

Lately I’ve been thinking about how I want to improve myself, what I want to be, or more specifically who I want to be. In all honesty though, I feel that I need to begin with finding myself.

I mean, really, who am I?

So You’re invited to 2011’s new year resolution.

Who: Jerrica Ciel Osmun.

What: Finding herself.

When: All freaking year.

Where: Where ever the wind takes her.

Why: Live life fully.

Hello 2011, here goes nothing J

January Seventh.

“Limited Access”? Yeah, like I’m gunna believe that. It just means, No internet access.

Did you know that internet at Stonehenge Rehab is Not good at All?

Yep, I’m here again. I’m always here.

This is my fourth night in a row.

Okay, well, let’s think of what I have to say tonight.

Today, I woke up late, and quickly took my sisters to Zupas, where we ate with Sadie.

Zupas is So so delicious. If I’m ever having a bad day, all I want is that.

Following Zupas I took my sisters to their performance, I was planning on going Saturday night, Bah! Yeah right.

My dear frustration texted me to tell me when we would be heading back to Logan.

Saturday, 1:30.

Hm… Let’s think… Okay. That’s fine. Yeah. I’ll just skip the farwell I was going to go to on Sunday, along with my brothers talk, oh AND I’ll miss my two sisters performance that I’ve been so excited to go to. Yeah, no problem at all. I mean, I didn’t really want to go to any of that anyway. MERH! Wow..

So… I rushed home, and grabbed my things. Five minutes later I was in the car headed to the performance to sit… all bah mah seelf.

It was probably better that way anyway. You see… As the music started for the first number, so did the dancers, and so did my tears. I love Irish dance.

I wanted to be down there with them.

Moving on.

I talked with lots of the dancers afterwards, and congratulated on such a great show.

Hugged my sisters and talked to them for a while.

At 9:30 I got into my car and drove here.

Not having internet was bad enough, however, I soon realized that I forgot my tooth brush(I always bring it and brush half way through the night), And extra food…

I only had about six Ritz crackers.

So at precisely 11:28PM.

I ran out.

However, at precisely 12:46 my dear friend Sadie came!

She had a bag from Wendy’s with her.

We ate, watched a movie, and talked.

It was quite wonderful J

Friday.

I know it's not 1AM now, however, at 1AM I ran out of crackers. I ran out the door and drove off without dinner!! So this is kind of a big deal.. The world could have ended.
Whenever I come to my grandpas I make sure I have my lappy, my lappy charger, an ensign, water bottle, phone, lotion, ritz crackers, fruit snacks, and something chocolate.
Yesterday I splurged and stopped by Rancheritos on my way. As they handed me that bag full of green sauce, red sauce, four napkins, and the glorious, delectable ham and egg breakfast burrito my taste buds jumped and shouted for joy!
Great, now I really want Rancheritos. HA! I can beat that, I have m&m cookies :) Four to be exact. Thank you Momma!
Movie status: Cool Runnings, She's the Man(Stopped early, scratched too much), wedding planner, and now 27 Dresses. Chick flicks much? Don't judge. Love them, crave them, watch them.

On to our next matter of business. My Brother, Anziano(Elder) Dallin John Osmun. My brother is on his mission in Italy, Bitonto, to be accurate. He is presently the District Leader and Loves Italy. He enjoys learning Italian and perfecting it, he absolutely loves the people and food. (P.S. That picture to the right is when we Skyped with him a few days after Christmas.) I email him once a week, okay sometimes I get a little excessive and email twice, or three times. Because of the time difference, we normally get emails at around three or four in the morning. Guess who has been up until six in the morning every day this week!? Me! Today at 3AM I got an email from Dallin saying, "Are you on?" We emailed back and forth for an hour. He has changed so much. Whenever I have some important questions to ask him, or need his advice, Just like tonight, he says something really meaningful, and important for my ears, Like this, "God's in control. He doesn't let us down, ever. I know that a lot of times it feels like we've lost a grip on the situation and we don't know what to do. Just stay calm, trust God, and everything will work out for the best. Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok then it's not the end :)." My brother loves me, and I'm grateful for that. I always say I miss my brother, but in a way, I'm excited to meet the new one. I've seen so many changes in him, through email and two phone calls. He even pointed out that he's changed while on his mission tonight, while talking. He said this, "Before the mission I always wanted to be with my friends. I realize I should've been with you guys more and that's what I'm going to do once I'm back. Yes, you were the "annoying little sister" sometimes :P. But I miss that too. The mission's changed me quite a bit :P." In six months I get to see my brother, I get to meet him again. :)


Believe it or not, I have something else to talk about. Let's talk about.. my hair. I love my hair, but every so often I need some kind of change to mix things up, you know, change. So right now my hair is long, half way down my back, some long layers that really blend in, layers around my face that are more noticeable, and bangs grown out kept behind my ear. So, here's my question. Should I cut it? Not the length! No, no, no. But what about some layers? Maybe bangs again? I have pictures of what I've done before. Here they are.. 

I never wore my bangs like this very much...

Did you know these pictures were taken like a day apart? Just styled different. Eh.. I love hair. So much. The end. 

                                   

This is how I have always had my bangs, maybe a little longer...














I think it's time for me to stop blogging. Just for a while though, don't worry. 

Accomplishments of the night:

-Stayed fully awake, no small naps.

-Friendly to CNA's. 

-Set up a lunch date with my best friend.

-Drank a whole bottle of water.

-Talked to my brother for an hour. 

-Watched Four movies. 

-Wrote a poem. 

Good Night. 

Good news.

It has Pom poms!

Guess what? 

I went shopping today. 

With my momma of course. 

I got two pair of pants, and they fit right.

(Always a plus.)

Two shirts.

A Bright yellow scarf. (Isn't it Cute?) ----------------->

And last but not least.. 

Three Stupendous cardigans. 

Can I just say how wonderful Cardigans are? So Wonderful. 

Yepp. 

That's how it is folks.

I'm going to watch movies all night now. 

Maybe figure out Who I am.  

Make a discovery. 

Read a book.

Etc. 

Hopeless.

My hopes are gone.
There's no spark anymore.
No last grasp.
They've been taken.
I'm left without.
To go on.
Empty.

Embarrassing.

I Almost posted a bunch of things I wrote earlier, tonight? Um.. when I was working all night. I got bored and there was no internet, so I wrote. Just a few things, some thoughts, an email. Oh, good news : ) I started a book.

Every time I say “Oh, good news” it reminds me of Elf. You know when Buddy goes to walk with his brother home from school, while they’re walking Buddy goes, “Oh, good news… I saw a dog today!” Ha ha ha! That entire movie makes me laugh so hard and it’s so quotable.

I go back to Logan in a few days. How do we all feel about this? Well, I am quite excited. I’m just ready go start my classes and busy myself. You know me. Living at the library, as usual. I do have a social life as well, Promise.

Mm… I have this secret Love for cowboys. Don’t tell anyone.

Half hour till home? I accept this mission.

I don’t feel so good. My grandpa keeps coughing, I think he just coughed up something. I don’t like this. It’s hard to listen to. 

Another Sleepless Night & Blog Post Later.

Okay guys.. C'mon, lets be real for a minute. My last few posts have Not been the brightest of the bunch. In all honesty, I don't know how to explain unless I'm a little more specific than usual. You know me, I'm usually quite vague. Here goes nothing..

So, I have a Very very dear friend to me named, ______(if you know me well enough, you know who it is). We have been friends for quite some time, he knows me so well. He's always been the friend I talk to about when something happens in my family, I turn to him for advice, ask him if I should cut my hair or not, etc. He always knows what to do, where to take me, what to ask, how to tell if I'm okay or not, how to comfort me. He knows me more than any other friend I have. I can't even begin to express how much this guy means to me. I do have hope. I have hope for a lot of things. One thing I hope for is, maybe he'll read this and maybe he'll realize how Amazing he really is. He doesn't read this very much. It's not like I mind, but I hope that if he does he'll feel like he means the world to someone, like he's changed someones life like no one else could, like there's someone out there who will Never give up on him. That's me. He has a mission coming up. In six months, to be exact. Which is so exciting. However, when that happens you can't really continue All that you have going on with that other person.

Recently we've talked. As you can read from before, we'll be waiting a while until we continue anything more on our being together. Which, yes, has made me quite sad. I've been having a little bit of a hard time, I'm not going to sugar coat it, but don't worry about me. It's for the better and it's the right thing to do. That's what I'm told.

I'm going to miss him so much, and um.. yes, I will cry so much the ocean will probably double in size when he leaves. I'm excited for him, though. What a great thing he gets to do. Serve the Lord and be a messenger for him for two years. Giving those two years, so others can be together forever. I'm so proud of him. I really am. I can't describe all the emotions inside of me, but I can say that he is going to make an Amazing missionary. He doubts himself quite a bit, sometimes, but I know Whole heartedly that he is going to touch hearts, teach souls, and represent the Lord with pride.

Best of wishes. Make us proud. Write every week.

Third times a charm?

My heart hurts.

Again.

2.5 years.

That, my friend, is how long pause will be on.

I need to stop wanting to cry.

I thought I got that over with already.

Suck it up Jerrica.

Get on with life.

Go, live.

4:30AM

Guess who gets to go to sleep in an hour and a half.

Me.

Guess who gets to get up in nine and a half hours to have a "nice talk" with McKay J.

Me.

Guess who's nervous and scared out of her noggin for that conversation.

Me.

Cry baby.

Yes, cry baby. I feel like that is what I am.

Today I've had the chance to think a lot. Two hours to be exact.

Within those two hours I read, and prayed.

Everything happens for a reason, right?

I sure hope so.

You know when you Really need an answer to something, but don't get it?

Maybe I'm getting the answer I need...

...But I'm not accepting it.

Who knows.

Life is hard sometimes.

Right when you think, "Hey, this could really work out."

Eh.. Think again!

It falls apart, right into thin air.

Sometimes, when you love someone, You can't be with them.

I don't like that.

Oh the tears never cease.

It makes me sad to not be with the person I love.

Maybe someday, we'll have a future.

Right now it's looking like the pause button will be in use soon.

Stupid Pause button.

I don't like you one bit, not at All!

I'd rather use the fast forward, then I could skip right to you and me.

I like you and me together.

We make a great team.

I guess for now, I will work on becoming better.

Yeah, that's what I'll do.

I need to be better for you.

Whoever you are.

Actually, I do know who you are..

And just so you know.

I miss you and love you, even though you're right here.

Even though you don't read my blog, I still write about you sometimes.

I hope you have wonderful days and don't miss me at all.

I hope you are getting the best out of life.

Okay, so maybe part of me hopes that you miss me.

Just don't let me get in the way of things.

I'm not perfect, and sometimes I do get in the way.

I apologize for everything I've done.

Any pain that I've brought you.

Or if I've ever inconvenienced you, ever at all.

I'll end this rant now.

"Sometimes the Savior calms the storm. Sometimes he let's the storm rage and calms you."

-Carol B. Thomas.

Father,

Be with me. Calm my soul. As always, thy will be done.

Amen.

Owee mama

I think I broke my nose.

Or perhaps cracked it.

It hurts.

I don't recommend it.

Adventure? I accept!

McKay J. Jones and I went on an adventure. At about Eight last night McKay came to my house. I gave him a late Christmas gift, then we played Bang, and Just Dance 2. It was really funny.. We went upstairs and talked for a little bit.

Out of the blue McKay says, "Oh! Oh! Hey! Do you want to go do doughnuts? I have my uncles truck! And it's stick shift!" (Maybe not those words Exactly.. but pretty darn close.) In ten minutes we were outside, he opened the door, I hopped in, and we drove off. Now if you remember from a previous blog post.. We got in a car wreck on our way to Moab. We started going off the road, over corrected, spun and hit a mound of dirt. After That experience I am quite hesitant about cars spinning and whatnot. It was SO fun!! I was death gripping my water bottle the whole time, but it was so exciting!

After our doughnut activity. We drove around a bit and tried to decide what to do next. He asked if I was hungry, I wasn't. I asked him the same. McKay mentioned he didn't have too much to eat before he came. He just wanted to get out the door and come here, so he hadn't eaten a lot. Done! We were off to Walmart to find something to fill his stomach. On our way he almost turned left into the exit, then ended up in the wrong lane, and went through another exit.. But who cares! No one saw.. Ha ha!

We took a walk around the store a few times. We checked out all the toys, smelled candles, looked at guns and knives, picked out paint samples, then we eventually got to the food. After some arguing we got Cookies and Cream ice cream.

Next we drove to my house and dished out ice cream for everyone, all two of us. Sierra was home too, but she didn't want any. Mom and dad came home as we were finishing, we talked with them for a while. Then my Lovely mother told me to load the dish washer.. So I did. And they went to bed. McKay watched, and helped a little.

One o'clock rolled around and I walked McKay J. to the door. He got his shoes on, and multiple layers of sweatshirts. Then got distracted and we talked. We had a nice time Bonding, then he left, quite a bit later.

I had Such a great time. :) I miss that boy.

I need answers.

Do you ever fall in love with your best friend, and then realize that at some point it will have to be put on hold for a while or lost forever. Then when it's finally at that point, you cry and don't know whether to hold on or move on?

-Yes.

Do you ever want your best friend back the way he was before all is said and done. When you used to talk daily about stupid things that happen, assignments, a new joke or pick up line you heard, and what you had for breakfast?

-Yes.

Do you ever feel like you'll never be able to talk to him like that again. Like he's holding back, when you're giving it All you've got. All you want is to be friends like before. Let go of everything, and put yourself out there. But you feel like an inconvenience to him?

-Every day.

Are you ever willing to let your heart out again after being broken. Willing to be with the person who broke it, and be their friend. Trust again. Trying daily to strengthen and bring back what you once had?

-No doubt.

Why?